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[29 Nov 2009|07:27pm] |
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i just kinda feel like writing right now. I kinda just enjoy the sound of my fingers hitting the keys on my sisters new macbook pro. I love it! anyway im sick. I am afraid there is something seriously wrong with my stomach. It's complicated and gross. But i'm going to the doctor tomorrow. God i miss LJ. I don't know why i started and i don't know why the lj fad stopped. I have not done shit in 2 years. I think i'm going to make a new years resolution this year. i need a second job and better health right now. I miss this stuff i want my camera back so i can take pictures. It's been broken since august and i took it to get fixed last week. hitting keys hitting keys ok thank you goodbye
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[28 Sep 2009|03:44pm] |
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how long has it been lj?
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[08 Feb 2009|04:19am] |
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Sometimes, like this time I wonder why? Why do I need the satisfaction of having a normal boyfriend. It's just not possible for me to have real possibilities. Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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[22 Jan 2009|08:12pm] |
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I feel like you stole a huge piece of me. Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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| blossom |
[23 Dec 2008|03:38am] |
new york city 2008
even though it is winter and i don't care about proper grammar right now it surprises me that in the coldest of fronts and after the harshest break-ups you can still smell the fragrance of a flower who just doesn't care anymore. a little seedling who looks up at all the tall trees with their rings, wrinkles, and bark. and just like their leaves they will fall in the autumn. their photosynthesized green leaves will turn orange, brown, and even yellow. and there they will stand; tall, bitter or brittle, lonely and coldly. this little seedling sat in her thoughts and dirt for months and months. oh how i wish, oh how i hope, oh how i am sure this flower will bloom right through.
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[20 Nov 2008|11:37am] |
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my heart's content is based on stupid bullshit. my head's sanity suffered too much to have any respect or love left.
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[19 Nov 2008|10:09am] |
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i'm over it, bye!!!!
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[29 Aug 2008|02:10pm] |
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This year, this summer has thrown me off. I fell in love with a married man. I lost grasp of my dreams. But this summer has felt like an eternity of self discovery and a lot of emotions. I have never felt more alone, empty and lost. I really do feel like my world is on fire. I'm letting it burn because I don't know how to put out fires. I'm so fucked in the head. I can never run away from my feelings. London and Paris weren't far enough. And the road just made me closer to them. I've been crossing the line. But so has he. I'm embarrassed and feel very ashamed from the situations I've put myself into for the past 9 months. I hate how I am blaming myself for everything. But soon enough I will have to hate you because I can't keep hating myself. I don't know what to do.
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[29 Aug 2008|01:59pm] |
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How embarrassing. I feel really dumb and don't want anything to do with him. I'm pretty sure he wants to get rid of me too. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind please!
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[28 Aug 2008|04:29pm] |
I can not tell you how much I am suffering. I don't know why I devoted my time and my energy to this man. I love him. He's the first person I've loved in three years. I want nothing more than to be with him and for all the bad things to go away. But I can't live in a fantasy anymore. I don't know how to be strong in these situations. Loving a man is a weakness I don't think I can ever fight. I feel like I am a complete mess. I don't want to go to school. I don't know what I want to do anymore. I'm stuck and I don't even know where I am anymore. All I do is travel. All I do is run away. I love him so much that I can't really believe what this fucked up relationship is doing to me. He doesn't believe he's doing any harm to me. But when I get home I never want to see him again. I don't want any contact with him. He's made me so miserable that I have lost my drive, my confidence, and a good amount of sanity. He gave me everything I wanted and took it back. I don't know how to deal with this. I feel like he's the only person I have left in my life. I should've stayed alone. I should've never. I wish I never. I hope I never do this to myself again. I don't think I can give myself the pain to stick around because I am afraid somethings I don't want to know will surface. And for the first time in my life I don't think I can handle the truth. I can't believe that I am asking to be lied to. It has been enough. I loved him and all I wanted to do was love him. I can't torture myself anymore. I don't know when I will find myself again. I don't know when I will be happy again. Because I have been carrying his baggage on my weak little back and I have to give out. Because his mess has created mine.
I didn't buy the dress for my dinner with my ex boyfriend. I didn't even see him. I bought the dress for you to want me back. I bought the dress so you could want me again. I bought the dress so you could fall in love with me. I bought the dress so you could kiss my neck. I bought the dress so you could be a little jealous. I bought this dress for you to take off.
I've cared too much to receive nothing in return.
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[08 Aug 2008|06:04pm] |
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i'm going on a roadtrip today. i'm nervous. i'm anxious. i'm scared. peace.
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[04 Aug 2008|10:50pm] |
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I'm really scared.
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[19 May 2008|11:37pm] |
one word: Lonely
two words: Go home
three words: I love you
one question: How do you walk out of love?
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[11 May 2008|10:41am] |
this city is lonely. and i am questioning a lot. i've built up only to watch it crumble so quickly and i wasn't done building. i met a ghost and i'm not sure if she's haunting me because i'm not scared because to me she's only a ghost story but i guess i have to realize that ghosts were once just like me. i'm sorry for laying more bricks on your shoulders. You never made me feel small or inadequate, I did that to myself. You asked me why I love you and well I'm still trying to figure it out. I don't know if its written in the pools of my eyes but you always feel it in my sudden rapid heartbeat. I have to admit its tough and I can't imagine what its like for you. But anyway thank you for holding my hand all throughout central park. I don't love you because you are nice and friendly. I love that you hurt and so I hurt. I love it when you really open up to me. I see through your charm and I want you to know that I'm okay with dealing with you on a bad day. Or when your dog bleeds on the sheets I just washed for you.
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[10 Apr 2008|09:02am] |
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I highly recommend The Good Life's Album of the year just listen to the entire album.
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shegonna_rocket's journal